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Book Review: You Are Special

Posted: Saturday, December 03, 2011

by Aunt Susan

You Are Special by Max Lucado

You Are Special

By Max Lucado

Illustrated by Segio Martinez

I chose to review this children’s book because:

I love this book
Great Christmas gift for a child
The message is beautiful for all ages

Summary

Every day the small wooden people called Wemmicks do the same thing: stick either gold stars or gray dots on one another. The pretty ones--those with smooth wood and fine paint--always get stars. The talented ones do, too. Others, though, who can do little or who have chipped paint, get ugly gray dots. Like Punchinello.

In this heartwarming children's tale from the best-selling pen of author Max Lucado, Eli the woodcarver helps Punchinello understand how special he is--no matter what other Wemmicks may think. It's a vital message for children everywhere: that regardless of how the world evaluates them, God cherishes each of them, just as they are.

The message in this book is relevant for ALL ages and for Christians and non-Christians because it addresses self-esteem and self-respect.

This book shows how true freedom for us comes by not being enslaved to the opinions of others. Max Lucado tells the story to communicate to children (and most DEFINITELY to adults as well) that by taking time to experience and remember God's love for us, we can have a deep joy that isn't contingent upon whether people bestow praise (represented by gold stars) or insults (grey dots) upon us. This simple story illustrates a truth that is essential to our peace, yet so hard for us to keep ahold of.

Confidence plays a huge part in success. Everywhere we turn there is something or someone that can chisel away our confidence. Unkind words and criticism can cause us to doubt our abilities and ourselves. The message in this book is for us to love ourselves. Confidence is a product of love. We all need to be reminded every now and then of our infinite worth, whether we get this reminder from God or from another loving supportive individual or group such as family. Let us celebrate our individual uniqueness and enrich each other.

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When You're The Best

Posted: Monday, March 21, 2011

By Grandma

Virtue and Moir winning Gold at the 2010 Olympics

“When you’re the best, there is no competition” This is what one dad teaches his children to strive for: to be the best. "In this way no one is a threat to you. You welcome competition because there is no competition. You view competition as a challenge. You look at it as an opportunity to improve and to learn. Always striving to get to the next level. When you look at it this way you eliminate a lot of fear. Competition is more like encouragement to be at the top of your game. When you are the best, the top is no place to be arrogant. It is a place to be humble because now you must lead the people under you. It is a great responsibility. You can build a power house of the best. And with this, great things can be accomplished."

This dad is an artist. When he draws something that isn’t quite right, he says it is a waste of time trying to fix it. He moves on and starts a new drawing. This time it’ll be better because he learned from his previous drawing what works and what doesn’t work. Each drawing is better than the previous one.

As this dad puts it: “To be the best you have to make more mistakes faster than your competition”

"Make lots of mistakes and make them fast!”

Although, this may not apply to brain surgeons.

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The Mercy Rule

Posted: Monday, March 14, 2011

By Aunt Susan

Some soccer leagues have adopted
"The Mercy Rule"

This blog is additional comments to my other blog regarding “Should you have party games”. I heard on the news last night about “The Mercy Rule” that is in place for a recreational soccer league in Ottawa. If a team is winning by 5 goals, they will forfeit the game if they score another goal. This is to prevent total humiliation for the losing team. I do not like this rule. So basically, if a team is really, really good it means they’re going to lose unless they start playing really, really bad after a 5 goal lead. The crowd is screaming “Don’t score! Don’t score!”. And it’s telling the losing team that by being incompetent they could win. There’s something wrong with this picture. Competition keeps you on top of your game. It’s time for the losing team to step it up. Get better. If you embrace this Mercy Rule, don’t expect your child to ever advance to rep or become pro because that’s not how the best play. The best is rewarded when they win. This mercy rule might be O.K. for the younger children when they are just learning the skills. In fact the league may adopt a “no score” rule where they do not keep score. When a child is 4, the passion for the game may not be there. He might be sitting in the middle of the field poking at a bug. In a no-score league no one gets their knickers in a knot. (it’s usually the parents anyways). Maybe the parents motivation was to get Junior some exercise. After a few seasons of Junior sitting in the middle of the field looking at bugs, it’s time to try something else.

At around age 10, this “No-Score” only pacifies the parents who can’t handle seeing their child’s team lose. The children know full well what the score is, and who’s the better team.

When I was a youngster (about 8 years old)…many moons ago… each neighbourhood park had a team for “Punch Ball”. It’s played just like baseball but it’s a volleyball and when you’re “up to bat”, you hit the ball like you would if you were serving in a game of volleyball. We played against a team that totally slaughtered us. When they hit that ball, it went flying across the field! When we hit the ball, it barely got to the centre of the diamond. All I could think of, at the time, was “How do they hit like that?! How come we can’t hit like that?” Losing that game as bad as we did should have been a teaching opportunity for our coach. Let’s go back to our park and learn to hit like them. But we never did. We never improved our game. But this was suppose to be fun right? Well it’s no fun losing. Even if no one kept score, we all knew the truth. We lost every game that summer. You know what feeling is worse than losing? The feeling of having no hope. And as for that other team, I still remember their name, Moss Park. They won the championship.

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Should You Have Party Games

Posted: Monday, March 07, 2011

By Aunt Susan

Pin the Tail on the Donkey Party game for kids

Children playing "Pin The Tail On The Donkey”

I personally feel a little fun competition at a party is O.K.. but some kids can’t handle losing. A game where there are winners and losers is too stressful for these kids. So much that they will refuse to participate. I have seen kids tremble when they sense someone else is going to win. It’s as if their whole self worth has just gone down the toilet. Because of this, I have chosen to down play the competitive aspect of party games so there are no obvious winners or losers. Only because in my business I am the one who is suppose to bring the happiness. I can’t have any unhappy guests. Some parents feel I should not change things because the games are fun and there’s always going to be some kid sulking over something. It’s always something. It’s true…there’s no pleasing those kids…(and some parents). However I would rather not set up a situation where these kids have the excuse to sulk…or cry… or have a complete melt down. That’s right…no more “Pin the Tail on the Donkey” No more “Musical Chairs”. No more “Bean Bag Toss” etc etc.. Some parents suggest I give everyone a prize no matter who wins. That would diminish the victory of the child who actually earned her prize. Perhaps the age of the children need to be taken into consideration when choosing games. The disappointment of losing requires maturity. But I have seen older children and teenagers become nervous wrecks at the thought of losing. Have you ever seen parents at a hockey game when their kid’s team is losing? Wow.

Girl enjoying a card matching game at a
princess tea party

Some schools have eliminated competitive activities to protect the self esteem of children. Are we breeding mediocrity here? Like they don’t think these kids will figure it out when they grow up and find out the world awards the best? Self esteem and confidence is built from accomplishments. A little at a time, reaching your goals and being proud of your achievements. Competition awards excellence. You earned it, you deserved it. Great! Congratulations! Instead of eliminating competitive activities they should have programs in place to build children’s self esteem. And what would these programs entail? How ‘bout service. Here is a piece of advice from the wise:

"Our sense of self-worth is also key to being able to appreciate the other factors of fulfillment. Interestingly, feeling compassion for others is the most reliable way to increase our own self-worth" Dalai Lama

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Pass The Poison Apple Game

Posted: Tuesday, March 01, 2011

by Aunt Susan

This girl was happy to be caught with the Poison Apple. She’ll do a performance worthy of an Oscar

My crew and I always shop talk after we do a party. Always looking to improve, we discuss the best and the worst of each party. Time and time again, the same things come up. The best part is always when the children let go of any inhibitions, believe and participate. The worst is the opposite. When children are skeptical, refuse to participate and sulk. Even have melt downs. We don’t know why some children are the way they are but we have seen them all.

We play a game call “Pass the Poison Apple”. When the music plays you pass the apple along to the next princess. When the music stops, the princess who is holding the apple must pretend to fall into a deep sleep just like Snow White. She is essentially out of the game. The game continues until there is a winner which is the one remaining Princess. I have seen girls excited and hoping to be caught with the apple. When they are, they perform such a dramatic swoon they deserve an Oscar. And then there are those who are so terrified of being caught with the apple that they refuse to play. Some get caught and refuse to go out. Guess which girls have more fun? Guess what type we prefer to entertain? However, we have to be ready to handle any situation. What happens if the sulky girl is the birthday girl? I guess she could say as the song goes “It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to…cry if I want to…” As entertainers, we have to make this all better.

The birthday girl has to be happy. In fact, all the guests should be happy. Our job is to bring the happiness. And that’s what we are paid to do… bring the happiness and entertain….not baby-sit or discipline children. Any difficult behaviour should be handled by the parents. A birthday party is not exactly the best time and place to deal with behaviour issues. So do we cater to the sulky child’s wishes? You betcha! There’s a saying “The customer is always right”? There is no such thing as a bad audience…just bad entertainers. In the people pleasing business, not only are we entertainers, we also need to be psychologists. If you can figure out how to make your costumers happy you will have a successful business. At the end of the party, we get to go home. As for the parents…. those wonderful darlings are all yours.

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The Sparkle in the Eyes

Posted: Monday, February 21, 2011

By Aunt Susan

The "Sparkle"

I meet A LOT of children in my line of work. And there’s always that child in the group that is full of life. I call it the “Sparkle” and I can see it in their eyes. I LOVE entertaining these children. Sometimes I’m lucky to have a few in the audience. Sometimes there is not even one. The “Sparkle” child, is a rare gem. These “Sparkles” are the children who are happy and confident. They have no inhibitions. They laugh out loud. They are enthusiastic. They are affectionate. They are full of life. We came home one day after a party where there was not one “Sparkle” in the group. I asked my 12 year old daughter….what’s the difference between a child that has the “Sparkle” and a child that doesn’t. And she said without hesitation “The parents” Oooooo…out of the mouth of babes. She is so wise for her size.

The "Empty Stare"

Of course… I knew that. It’s the parents. My experience tells me that over and over again. There are two extremes. Parents who control the child’s every move and parents who let their child run wild. Neither extremes are good for the child. As for the controlling parent… this comes in many forms. I’ve heard the term “helicopter parents”. They are the ones who are always hovering over their child. Protecting the child from any possible bad experience which may include not making it on the team to not catching the school bus. This can kill the child’s spirit. These are the children with the "Empty Stare". They become dependent on someone else making even the smallest decision for them. Their true personality have been so squashed that there is little life left in them. What you’ll have is a robot. A child who is so fearful of thinking for herself. And so fearful of making a mistake. They are often are perfectionists. Fast forward a few years and you get a depressed teenager or adult.

The "Wild Crazed Look"

Parents who let their child run wild are also creating a disaster. These children have no discipline. No one is going to tell them what to do! They will do whatever they feel like doing. Even if it’s criminal. There’s no accountability. They have an attitude of entitlement. They could be children from very well to do families. Anything they want, they get. They are given everything. Selfish brats they are. This is just to name a few of the consequences of either parenting styles. One style gives the child no freedom, the other gives them too much.

To find the happy medium should be every parents quest. Come on folks… there are plenty of books out there to help you. From my experience in the Greater Toronto Area…. I have seen more children come from the “Controlling Style” than the ”Run Wild Style”. There is no “Sparkle” in the eyes of the “Controlling Style” children. Not that I want an audience filled with the “Wild Crazed” look either. (that has happened though)

If “1” is “Extreme Controlling Style” and “10” is “Extreme Run Wild Style”, in trying to find that happy medium… I would prefer to ere on the “Wild Side”. A “6” or a “7” is still good. Just my opinion.

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Dealing With Rudeness

Posted: Sunday, November 21, 2010

By Aunt Susan

From time to time, you’re going to come across rudeness. Adults and children can be equally as rude. I was once in a drug store in the same aisle as a father and his teenage son. They were looking at products on a shelf. The son said something, I don’t know what he said because I didn’t hear. But I sure heard the father’s response. The father snapped at him saying “DON’T YOU TALK TO ME LIKE THAT!” and a few more things regarding disrespect. I was standing right behind them. Who was more rude? Who was more disrespectful? In my opinion, the father. Whatever the son said no one else could hear. What the father said, everyone could hear. How he chose to deal with his son’s rudeness was just RUDE. He humiliated his son in public which is way more rude. If he was trying to teach his son respect then he should have responded in a respectful manner. I witnessed a similar scene in a restaurant. A parent threatening to spank the child right then and there. I guess there’s nothing like a bit of humiliation to snap a child into line…eh? It’s actually humiliation AND shame in one fell swoop. There’s a saying “Love conquers all”. In some cases this might be hard to apply and would require a lot of patience and tolerance. But within a family and especially dealing with children… and especially dealing with your OWN children, you could certainly mustard up some love. Can’t you? There’s always a cause for rudeness. Therefore it is better to deal with the cause than the symptom. If a child or other family member is rude, one reaction to the rudeness could be “That was harsh. Are you having a bad day?” or a caring “What’s up?” Maybe they just need a hug. You might be pleasantly surprise that you get an apology. This is much better than demanding an apology. There is little to no remorse attached to an apology that you demanded. You know, if you HAVE to ask for it….

There’s a scripture that the Mormons have:

“Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy; “

In other words: When expressing your disapproval, make it clear how you feel. (Sharpness in this scripture means “clarity” not “harshness”) Tell him at the earliest appropriate time, not a week later when he can’t even remember what he did. Make sure that it is not coming from a place of anger. Rather from love. You must be moved spiritually. After reproving, show an increase of love. This effective method of teaching will keep the person’s self esteem in tact. This is to assure the person that you still love him even though you did not like what he did or said. Of coarse this does not apply to your enemy. In which case, you can punch him out. Ha ha. Just kidding.

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Children and Manners

Posted: Monday, November 01, 2010

By Grandma

Recently a young mother asked for advice. What, she wanted to know, was she to do with a 7-year-old who was obstreperous, outspoken, and inconveniently wilful? "Keep her," I replied.... The suffragettes refused to be polite in demanding what they wanted or grateful for getting what they deserved. Works for me.
- Anna Quindlen

It is not a bad thing that children should occasionally, and politely, put parents in their place.
- Colette

Where did we ever get the crazy idea that in order to make children do better, first we have to make them feel worse? Think of the last time you felt humiliated or treated unfairly. Did you feel like cooperating or doing better?
- Jane Nelson

Don’t be afraid that your children don’t listen. Be more afraid that they are always watching.
- Bob Langley

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Happy Halloween!

Posted: Sunday, October 31, 2010

By Aunt Susan

Ha ha...look who won the costume contest! Was there any doubt? Rosie came up with the idea. Mom and dad helped her make it.

You might wonder why Rosie didn't go out on Halloween as a princess. Rosie is a princess everyday. Halloween is the day you can dress up and pretend you're someone or something else.

I always give extra candy to children with original costumes. Tonight the temperature was near freezing. I had one trick or treater dressed as a hiker. A back pack on his back, shorts and no shirt. Ha ha. I don't know how he got past his mom. He deserved extra candy.

Another little girl came dressed in a beautiful traditional Japanese kimono. She was a Japanese Princess. In the world of Cinderella and Snow White.... the beauty of this little Japanese princess surpassed them all. I asked the mom for a photo. Here she is with her little Lady Bug brother.

Guppy wanted to be The Queen of Hearts from Alice in Wonderland. But no store bought costume would do, so Guppy designed it and mom sewed it. Have a look.

Guppy did not want to be a princess.
She wanted to be a queen.

I love Halloween. We get to be anything or anyone we want for a day. There is so much value in pretend play. It allows us to explore the limits of our imagination. In a child's mind, anything is possible. The creativity and imagination of children should be encouraged and celebrated. The free spirits and free thinkers are our future. At Rosie's Tea Party, we encourage this everyday.

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Who's Your Favourite Princess?

Posted: Tuesday, September 28, 2010

By Aunt Susan

Princess Rosie

This is the question I ask all the girls at the princess parties and tea parties I do. There definitely are favourites. The answers are tallied and the results for the 3 top princesses are: Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella and Belle. And right up there is Snow White. I sometimes get Ariel. And once I got Jasmine. I think the reason why Ariel and Jasmine get less votes is because they both don’t have a distinct princess gown. Ariel has a mermaid tail and Jasmine wears pants. I have seen grand gala princess parties where not one little girl came as Jasmine or Ariel.

At Disney World, the little girls come dressed up as their favourite princess. We did the whole Disney World vacation for 7 days last year. In those 7 days we saw plenty of little girls dressed up as Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, Belle and Snow White. We saw one little girl dressed up as Jasmine and she was beautiful in her turquoise costume with gold jeweled beaded trim. She really stood out amongst the other little princesses. People were commenting “Ahhhh…look!... A little girl as Jasmine…isn’t she so cute!” No other princess got this level of reaction, except one other little girl who was dressed up as Alice from Alice in Wonderland. Alice is not a princess. This little girl had long blond hair just like Alice, so she really looked the part. We thought she looked adorable! This little girl got similar reactions from other people. I think it takes confidence to dress up as a non traditional princess. And even more confidence to be your own princess.

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Book Review: You Are Special

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When You're The Best

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The Mercy Rule

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Should You Have Party Games

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Pass The Poison Apple Game

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The Sparkle in the Eyes

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Dealing With Rudeness

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Children and Manners

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Happy Halloween!

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Who's Your Favourite Princess?

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